Once upon a time...

Sometimes is feels like a rain has come and washed everything away and I feel nothing. I am not happy. I am not sad. I am simply here, existing... without a care in the world.

Sometiems I miss feeling things. Especially pointless emotion. I miss the cute-obsessed feeling I used to get over boys. That was the feeling that used to make me feel like I was in love. Now I feel nothing. I have nothing...

I miss being head-over-heals for someone. But I know it's pointless because eventually it will wash away in the rain too. Just like everything else...

and I will simply exist.

I hear them talking. I see them looking. I am not oblivious, I know what they are thinking. And if the thoughts are not present now, I know they will be later. When their eyes fall upon the stark creatures, wishing they were the one they concede as a goddess...

Let them have their thoughts. They cannot be stopped. The thoughts might even haunt their dreams, tempting them towards unknown fate. Let them think. Let them want. Tempted towards uncertain fate. Tempted by the slightest chance. The act of acknowledgement.

I hear them thinking. I see them watching. I feel them wishing... for what they cannot have. What they will never have. I can see their hearts beating in the palm of my hand.

The fall is my favourite season. Not because my birthday is in October. I could care less that I made it through another year. And it's not because of any of the holidays that come and go when the leaves start falling. There is no special feeling of happiness or pure excitement for autumn. I just like it better.

Someone once asked if I like fall the best because it's when everything dies. My reply? No. Not everything dies in the fall. That is not why I like autumn more than winter, spring or summer.

The air has a certain smell to it. It's like you can smell the fading warmth in it. Everything seems to have a different kind of beauty to it in autumn. The sky is a brighter blue during the day and the clouds are a sweet golden vanilla. Or the entire sky is a rolling, monotonous gray. And sunsets become pastel coloured paintings... rather than the glowing explosions of summer.

Fall brings on a new beauty to life. It's not death. Not everything dies in the fall. To me, everything comes to life in the fall.